Scenes of Appalling Human Degradation

Scenes of Appalling Human Degradation : Gloss

Nicola Gunn
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There’s a woman on stage wearing slender black trousers cut at the ankle, a t-shirt and a blazer, flat shoes. Very neatly dressed.

She’s very elegant. And she’s holding a piece of paper, waiting. A bald man with a scraggly beard comes on carrying a chair. She looks at the piece of paper and directs him where to put the chair down. He leaves. And then another bald man with a scraggly beard comes on carrying a chair. Not the same bald man. A different bald man. She tells him where to put the chair and then he leaves. So it would seem she’s holding some kind of floor plan and the chairs need to correspond to the floor plan because all these chairs are numbered (I didn’t tell you that) and they need to go in a very specific configuration. So all these bald men with scraggly beards–

(Now the reason for their baldness will never be revealed)

So all these bald men with scraggly beards come swarming out of this little room in the corner of the stage like beetles, carrying chairs, and there’s bit of negotiation and confusion because she has to make two concentric squares of chairs, one inside the other, and they’re all facing inwards and they’re all specially numbered. But oh! The floor plan. It’s upside down. The floor plan is upside down! So all the beetles have to rotate the two concentric squares of chairs 90 degrees this way and while this is happening the woman walks down to the edge of the stage and says

Avez-vous une invitation? Vous devez avoir une invitation. (She’s French. You need to have an invitation.)

Cette événement est privé. (This event is private.)

Vous devez avoir un billet. Avez-vous un billet? (You need a ticket.)

(And then she takes the curtain and starts drawing it across the stage, like so.)

Je suis desolé mais vous devez partie. (I’m sorry but you need to leave.)

About the Author
Nicola Gunn